Suicide ranks among the highest causes of mortality in Oakland County
Did you know that suicide ranks among the highest causes of
mortality in Oakland County? And did you also know that suicide is the second
leading cause of death for those ages 10 to 34?
okay to ask for help💙
National Suicide Prevention Week
It’s National Suicide Prevention Week! Become familiar with the warning signs and have a real convo today with your kids.
Today was hard. Today Reilly and Nikolai should have boarded the
bus to high school together. Today Beans would have told Reilly he’d show him
the ropes and Reilly would tell him he’s got it covered – lol! Today I had one
less “normal” back-to-school picture.
Milestones like back-to-school can feel like a swift punch in
the gut. I cried tears today for the child who should have been a sophomore
today – not wanting to go to school, but still full of first day hope like he
I’m happy and so excited for Reilly!
I loved hearing about his entire day – his classes, teachers, who he ate lunch
with and all that cool stuff. He is an amazing kid who is going to do amazing
things. But I can also ache for the one not here. I’m trying my best to honor
what is and allow myself to grieve what isn’t.
I read something recently, “I
stand with one foot in the life I have, and one foot in the life I had. I
straddle time and space. It’s hard to live like that. I’m a grieving mom and
(by all appearances,) a “normal” mom, all at the same time. It can be
really complicated and messy and that’s ok.”
This is grief. This is love. This is parenting after loss. 💙
In a world full of doing, doing, doing, it’s important to take a moment and just breathe. Or so people tell me. Sometimes relaxing and taking a minute brings me pain and heartache so deep I can barely breathe. In those moments of unbusy, I find myself thinking all the thoughts, the what-if’s and overwhelming sadness takes over. But not always. More times than not I now find myself laughing to myself or smiling thinking of some ridiculous thing Nikolai would do or how much he would find joy in something. Those are the moments I need to grab onto and embrace. Sadness is a part of me now, but by focusing on the beauty in the moment I am learning to find peace. It is good for my soul🦋
Shout out to this beautiful girl💕 I think we as humans forget that our pets grieve too. Ivy lost her best pal, Mollie, last June and this June she lost one of her favorite humans. For two weeks after Beans left us, this girl sat in this spot on the deck. I think partially to protect her family, but mostly looking for the one who took her for a walk almost every single day. When she wasn’t at this post, she was snuggled up next to one of us, keeping us close, reminding us that she too, is very sad. ❤️🐾
Beans ran cross country at Hess for two years. The last time I ran it was with him this past winter. It was a gorgeous day…slight chill but no wind, sun was shining and fresh snow had fallen. We ran 2.5 miles and laughed a lot because we kept slipping. I missed him this morning but I’m pretty sure he ran with me the whole way🦋💙
Today we picked out Kola’s grave marker. It was an emotionally
exhausting experience. By the time we got to the what to put on it part, I
couldn’t think anymore and I just wanted out of that place.
This is my day to day. I’m fine one minute and the next I literally
want to break down into screams of enough is enough. I am tired. So tired.
I recognize that we have moved to an emotional place where it is
often very difficult to reach us. Our attempts to be normal are painful, and the day to day carries
a silent, screaming anguish that accompanies us, sometimes from moment to
moment. Were we to give it its own voice, we fear we would become truly
unreachable and so we remain “strong” for a host of reasons even as the
strength saps our energy and drains our will. Were we to act out our true
feelings, we would be impossible to be with.
Today, I have been impossible to be with. Thank God Joe is the
only one that has had to be with me today❤️