Today was hard. Today Reilly and Nikolai should have boarded the bus to high school together. Today Beans would have told Reilly he’d show him the ropes and Reilly would tell him he’s got it covered – lol! Today I had one less “normal” back-to-school picture.
Milestones like back-to-school can feel like a swift punch in the gut. I cried tears today for the child who should have been a sophomore today – not wanting to go to school, but still full of first day hope like he always was.
I’m happy and so excited for Reilly! I loved hearing about his entire day – his classes, teachers, who he ate lunch with and all that cool stuff. He is an amazing kid who is going to do amazing things. But I can also ache for the one not here. I’m trying my best to honor what is and allow myself to grieve what isn’t.
I read something recently, “I stand with one foot in the life I have, and one foot in the life I had. I straddle time and space. It’s hard to live like that. I’m a grieving mom and (by all appearances,) a “normal” mom, all at the same time. It can be really complicated and messy and that’s ok.”
This is grief. This is love. This is parenting after loss. 💙