Today we picked out Kola’s grave marker. It was an emotionally exhausting experience. By the time we got to the what to put on it part, I couldn’t think anymore and I just wanted out of that place.
This is my day to day. I’m fine one minute and the next I literally want to break down into screams of enough is enough. I am tired. So tired.
I recognize that we have moved to an emotional place where it is often very difficult to reach us. Our attempts to be normal are painful, and the day to day carries a silent, screaming anguish that accompanies us, sometimes from moment to moment. Were we to give it its own voice, we fear we would become truly unreachable and so we remain “strong” for a host of reasons even as the strength saps our energy and drains our will. Were we to act out our true feelings, we would be impossible to be with.
Today, I have been impossible to be with. Thank God Joe is the only one that has had to be with me today❤️