People ask me everyday how I’m doing. But when I actually tell them how I’m doing I can tell they wished they hadn’t asked. So now I’m really awesome at “good, how are you.” Playing pretend or hide-and-seek with my real feelings though is exhausting and frustrating and sad.
I pretend for you because I know you don’t really want to know anymore. But inside I am screaming…screams of anger, screams of deep sorrow. And it’s not just you. I sometimes feel guilty for over sharing. You know, like this FB post😒 I know you are tired of all the feels. I know I am. It sucks.
Just know that I’m just as tired of feeling heartbroken as you are about hearing about it. And I’m tired of playing the two sides of good and awful in my head. I don’t have answers for you or for me. I experience joy almost every single day. I also experience sadness every single day, and anger, and loneliness and a myriad of other emotions. It’s like a dang split personality going on in this head of mine.
I have no idea what the intent of this post really is other than it’s been almost three months but still feels like yesterday sometimes💙