Therapy. I’ve been asked more times than I can count if I have started therapy. No. No I have not. Do I need it? Yes.
Here’s the thing though – all those emotions surrounding the what-if scenarios I play in my head every single day – therapy will bring those out. Good, that’s what it’s supposed to do. It helps you work through that. I get it. Really, I do. But right now, keeping those what-if scenarios locked up in my head and not speaking them out loud is one of the things I do to keep my sanity. What will happen if I let that shit out of the locked compartment in my head? I fear it will destroy me. And maybe it will at first and then get better. Sort of like when you cut your finger and you put a band aid on it. It hurts super bad at first and then eventually it heals. I’m sure this is how therapy works too.
But right now, getting out of bed and being a functioning person is more important than talking to someone about my feelings and turning into the pile of hot mess mush I feel I will turn into.
Trust me. I hear you. I really do. And eventually I will have to face some of my demons in order to really begin some form of healing. But for now, it is what it is.