Learning to find peace

In a world full of doing, doing, doing

In a world full of doing, doing, doing, it’s important to take a moment and just breathe. Or so people tell me. Sometimes relaxing and taking a minute brings me pain and heartache so deep I can barely breathe. In those moments of unbusy, I find myself thinking all the thoughts, the what-if’s and overwhelming sadness takes over. But not always. More times than not I now find myself laughing to myself or smiling thinking of some ridiculous thing Nikolai would do or how much he would find joy in something. Those are the moments I need to grab onto and embrace. Sadness is a part of me now, but by focusing on the beauty in the moment I am learning to find peace. It is good for my soul🦋

Just breathe

A dear friend summed up exactly how I feel right now

A dear friend summed up exactly how I feel right now….

Fear of erasing Nikolai in the current moment. Fear of not remembering all the little nuances. Fear of having too much fun without him. Fear of allowing grief to overtake.

I need to talk endlessly and for you to also be okay with my silence.
I need an extra hug and also respect for my space.
If you ask how I’m doing, I need you to really want to know the answer. Or don’t ask me.
I need patience, forgiveness, kindness, support and your friendship.

Yesterday was a hard day. I just simply miss him💙