I recently read an article that asked readers, “if you could share one word that describes your grief journey today, what would it be?” Many posted words like scared, broken, foggy, lost, fragile and lonely. And, not that I don’t feel any of those words, but none of them seemed to fit an overall description of how I feel on this journey. Until today.
Hopeful. My word to describe my grief journey is hopeful.
This may seem like an inappropriate or strange word to describe my grief; however, for my journey it seems a perfect fit.
I am hopeful that Nikolai has found his “happy” again – that he is running around in Heaven meeting and hugging all the people. I am hopeful that he has finally met his grandma and grandpa Miller who he never knew. I am hopeful that he has been reunited with my grams and gramps, who loved him and his energy so very much. I am hopeful that one day my heart will not feel so completely broken and that I can get through a whole day without breaking down. I am hopeful that someday I will see him again as we both enjoy the beauty of Heaven.
But there is more to be hopeful for…
I am hopeful that we, as a society, can begin to view mental health as something as real as physical health.
I am hopeful that we can educate and train all humans to see the signs and symptoms of friends in need, friends that are struggling, and pray that we will reach out.
I am hopeful that we will start to have real conversations surrounding mental health and suicide.
I am hopeful that the suicide rate will go down.
I am hopeful that the stigma surrounding suicide will decrease and our empathy and awareness will increase.
I am hopeful that we can begin to treat everyone with more kindness than judgement and hate.
I am hopeful that we will be gentle around all people, as we never truly know what someone is struggling with.
I am hopeful that this blog makes a difference, an impact, on just one person, just one family.
I am hopeful that by starting a dialogue about all the hard things, we can come together and comfort each other.
I am hopeful that I am following the path the way God intended for me.
I am hopeful that I am making Nikolai proud.